Regular Joes

#21 RJ::Who knew the two had so much in common?

2010-10-18T05:54:00.000-07:00

#20 RJ::License Plate WIN

2010-07-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

#19 RJ::Product Review (2)

2010-05-28T08:26:00.000-07:00

Here is a great online review of all things Toilet Paper* by Orson Scott Card. Everything from strength and stability, over/under debate, bunch/fold debate to foreign country's sewer systems. No need for me to recreate the wheel on this subject. Enjoy.

*It starts about half way down the page, after the 2005 review of the movie Wedding Crashers.

#18 RJ::The Great TP Debate

2010-05-28T05:39:00.000-07:00

Probably about 15 years ago, I heard the strangest thing. While watching ESPN's Sportcenter, the sportscaster stated something to the affect of:

"According to a recent poll, 60% of Americans think that Team X/Player Y will win Event Z... which ironically enough is the same percentage of Americans that prefer to bunch rather than fold their toilet paper."

Once I stopped laughing at random juxtaposition of these unrelated statistics, I pondered the later figure. "Is there really an on going toilet paper debate?" I can trace back my fascination bathroom related oddities to this single event. This is what started it all...

Most people thing that the whole over vs. under toilet paper roll positioning is the most heated topic in the bathroom industry. And, while it is the only debate you'll see in the main stream media, it is by no means the most controversial.

Now, if you have ever posed this question to someone, say at a party, at work or sporting event; you know that the can of worms you have just opened can never be closed. So be warned - if you choose disclose your position, be prepared to defend it to the death; as not since the great white vs. wheat bread debates of the late 1980's has there ever been a more contentious argument over nonessential things. I have held off discussing this topic in this forum, for fear of the battle that would ensue. Luckily for us, our friends at Reddit have got us covered: Toilet Paper Debate.

No, it doesn't answer the question at hand, but it's pretty entertaining none the less. So it will have to do for now... that is until one of two things happen 1) Gallop releases a poll on this topic to reveal what the underlying trends (i.e. the role that politics, race, wealth, status, religion, area of the country, education, etc.) are, and how they play a role in whether or not you choose to bunch or fold your toilet paper; or 2) Doctors and/or Scientist make a break-through discovery proving once and for all the health benefits/risks of bunching/folding your toilet paper. Until then we may never know the truth about how best to wipe your ass.

#17 RJ::Bedtime Stories

2010-05-18T06:44:00.000-07:00

Bedtime Stories

Have you ever felt like Goldilocks as you make your way into a public restroom? Just the other day I was struck by that thought as I past the first stall: too much pee everywhere; the second stall: too much poop; the third stall: occupied; and lastly the fourth stall: just right. [Editors note: I just noticed that in stall one, too much “number one” and in stall two, too much “number two.”] Anyways, as I made myself comfortable I noticed that there wasn’t much movement (bowel or otherwise) coming from the occupied stall next to me. I didn’t think much of it the time, as I had more pressing concerns. As I got started I also noticed that there was a lot of activity in the bathroom: urinals flushing, hands washing, paper towels dispensing, etc. But shortly there after all that noise ended, and it was just me and the gentleman to my right quietly taking care of business… or so I thought. As I finished up, and began the final stages of my visit, I heard something that made me give pause. I stopped everything, strained my ears and listened. It was faint at first, and then it gained momentum. “Is that…? No, it couldn’t be…” I thought to myself. Sure enough, dude seated next to me was snoring. In a public/office building restroom no less – straight up sawing logs.

Now I’ve seen/heard fools reading the news paper, talking on the phone, emailing on their blackberrys, playing games on their iPhones, but never in my life I have I seen or even heard of someone taking a nap, at work, on the toilet. Yeah, sure, passed out drunk last weekend in your apartment bathroom is one thing, but at work… during the middle of the day? Even George Costanza has the courteously of using the privacy of his own desk when catching a few Z’s in the office. Now, I’m not going to lie, there are parts of this organization that are notorious for people taking extra long breaks; disappearing for hours at a time – heck I’ve even seen some of the “nests” that some people have built in the seldom used areas of the building. I always figured those were set up by folks working nights without much to do. Turns out its more prevalent then previously expected.

I wasn’t quite sure what I should do. Should I make a lot of noise? Bang on the common stall wall? Tell him to wake his ass up? I’ll tell you what I wanted to do; stand up on the toilet and reach over and take a picture of Sleepy to later post on the bathroom door/this blog. Instead, I wrapped things up, flushed as loudly as I could (if that’s even possible) and slammed the stall door as I exited. That seemed to wake Sleeping Beauty, if only for a minute. I didn’t stick around to see if he got up and went back to work or if he just hit snooze.

#16 RJ::Moral Dilema (2)

2010-05-11T05:05:00.000-07:00

Have you ever taken your laptop into the bathroom with you? If so, were you in the safety of your own home, or did you have the audacity to take it into a public restroom stall?

Sure, I've busted out the blackberry for a quick game of brick-breaker during some of my longer episodes, but I've never crossed that line with a laptop. There's just something about having a computer resting on my bare legs, pounding on the keyboard while also pounding out deuce, then juggling the CPU in one hand while trying to wipe with the other - because there is no way in hell that I'm going to put it on the restroom floor - that doesn't appeal to me. Maybe if there were a tray-table of sorts that you could put your laptop on while in the stall and stow when not in use, then things might be different. [Note to self: file patent application for an in-stall tray-table.] Sometimes, I'll be sitting there and come up with a great idea for a blog [or invention] and wish I could quickly post it online before I get distracted with work or other life events. Similar to sex, there must be a chemical reaction that takes place in your head after evacuating your bowels that deletes every thought that came into your head during the action. If it weren't for a conversation that came up in the office, I may not have ever remembered this recent gem:

Between meetings one day last week, I ran into the nearest bathroom for a quick dump. Due to my haste, I failed to notice that there was an extremely limited amount of toilet paper on the roll. I literally did not have a "square to spare." I had to use the resources I had with Native American like efficiency. I survived. I walked out of that bathroom with my head held high - knowing I had been tested, and that I had passed. Only about a half hour later, after my following meeting, all the coffee I drank that morning needed to be released. I entered the same restroom without even a notion of what had transpired there mere 30 minutes earlier... until I saw it. It happened in slow motion: another gentleman who had entered the restroom before me walked into the stall I had previously cleared of toilet paper. I caught just a glimpse of the roll as he shut the door and confirmed it had not been restocked. I hesitated. I knew I should say something, but didn't. I just stood there at the urinal listening to him unfold the toilet seat protector and get himself situated. Every sound came in so crisp and clear, like my sense hearing was heightened to that of superhero or blind man. I slowly washed my hands, all the while waiting, no, expecting to hear him cry out for assistance. I stood for a moment after drying my hands. Looked at the door. Looked back at the stall. It was too late. How could I possibly explain to this guy that I knew he was out of toilet paper? I put my head down and walked out the door knowing that I had failed a much larger test that day. I had failed my fellow man.

I thought of a million excuses in the days following: they should have a flag system that you mark stalls that need attention or supplies, like a mailbox. [Note to self: file patent application for stall-flags.] In the end, I knew I could have done more, I could have prevented that situation from happening. Actions I could have taken, words not spoken.

You be the judge. Am I being too hard on myself - is there an unwritten "buyer beware" rule when it comes to public restrooms? What's your take?

#15 RJ:: PSA - Double Down Deuce

2010-04-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

Regular Joe's Public Service Announcement:

Warning (this is NOT a challenge) attempting to eat two of KFC's new Double Down "sandwiches" in one sitting will lead to an immovable brick which you will be unable to sh*t.

Results may vary.

RJ:: Contributitions to the Greater Web Community

2009-08-17T09:35:00.000-07:00

Regular Joes makes a "big splash" on Stuff Christians Like blog.

#14 RJ:: Literature

2009-06-11T07:29:00.000-07:00

I was perusing the May issue of Maxim Magazine and found an interesting segment on the dos and don'ts of pitching a product (interviewing and sales situations). Best advice:

"Don't Eat Mexican. There is more than one story of someone who gambled and lost in their shorts. Execs don't take kindly to your ass putting their couch's Scotchguard to the test."

Carcaterra, Lorenzo; Life's a Pitch; Maxim Magazine Pages 55-57; May 2009.

#13 RJ:: Random Toughts

2009-05-26T07:38:00.000-07:00

You'll probably never notice the pool of piss collected under the urinal until the day you realize there is a hole in the bottom of your shoe...

#12 RJ:: Inspiration

2009-04-13T07:50:00.000-07:00

The question I hear the most here at Regular Joe's, is what inspired you to branch out in this form of expression? Okay, so it's usually not phrased exactly like that - more often it's, "where do you come up with this sh#t?!" My answer: Wally, from Dilbert. If he were a little taller, had more hair (for now), better eye sight, more motivation, a will to live, some self confidence, lost a little weight.... okay-okay, so except for his love of coffee, we are nothing alike. Still he inspires:

#11 RJ::April Fools Day Guide

2009-03-31T09:42:00.000-07:00

Okay pranksters. You’ve been asking for a Regular Joe’s guide to April Fools Day, so here it is. For those of you who may be timid, we’ll start of slow and get more elaborate (read dangerous) as we go.

The Elaine (of Seinfeld fame)
Here’s one for those of you who don’t want to get their hands dirty: take all the paper products from the restroom. That means TP, paper towels, seat covers, news paper – everything. And don’t be lazy and hide them in the garbage can or supply closet, put them in you co-workers office!

The Sponge Bob
This is the quick and dirty prank of the bunch, and as you might expect, possibly the simplest and easiest to pull off as well – at least for men. First and only step: pee on the roll of toilet paper until drenched. If you are a kind hearted prankster, you’ll pull off some of the TP to use as a sort of drip-pan under the roll.

The Upper Decker
This one is a classic. The genius is in the simplicity and the relative ease at which it can be accomplished. In a residential or tank-style toilet, remove the cover to the back tank. Do your business in said tank, and replace cover. Be careful, as this prank can backfire without the proper precautions: make sure your pooh does not hit the inner workings (exposed plumbing) of the tank. Try and get the log(s) to land in the water portion of the tank. Hitting the plumbing may result in the odor to be too prevalent and lead to early detection by your victim – and of course if they catch you; you will in turn be the victim – and have to clean up your own prank.

The Mud Slide
Lesser know, but equally as effective. In this situation, you’ll need a commercial style toilet (more elongated then the residential version) and a low waterline. This can be tricky, and for some may require practice. Step one: void your bladder in another toilet/urinal; you will need a clean DRY surface on the target toilet. Step two: scoot as far forward as possible on the toilet seat. The risk here, is that if you haven’t already peed, you will likely end up peeing on your chinos. Step three: dump – if done properly, the log will stick to the dry surface of the toilet and remain exposed to the air (creating a horrific smell). Often the turd may slide a little, leaving behind the thickest skid marks you’ll ever see (hence the name). Step four: clean up and flush TP in another toilet. Step five: get out of there – no doubt it smells, but more importantly no one should witness your presence. The real brilliance in this prank is that if left even for just a few minutes, it becomes impossible to remove the turd by flushing the toilet and requires someone to physically remove the pile by hand.

The Occupado
This one is extremely elaborate, but altogether safe. This prank is best for commercial, public or work environments. Depending on the number of stalls in your restroom, gather a pair of shoes, pants, and mannequin legs (or stuffing) for each stall. The night before or early that morning set up each stall to make it appear there is someone sitting inside – at least to someone looking under the stall and sees a pair for feet. Lock the stall doors and slide out from under the door. Tip: coordinate with your janitorial staff to ensure this prank will continue throughout the day – they shouldn’t have a problem taking a day off of cleaning the restroom.

The Chocolate Lantern (also know as The Lunar Lander)
This is by far the most difficult and risky* of all the pranks… and the meanest! You’ll need a plunger (the simple cheap kind, not the fancy inside-out ones) and a lot of patience. Note: this will NOT work on a drop ceiling, you need drywall. Carefully fill the plunger cavity with excrement** – preferably in a semi liquid state, use water or pee if you’ve got a collier on you hands. Now, with a moist paper towel, wet the edges of the plunger for a good seal. Stand on the toilet/sink/chair and affix the plunger to the ceiling. RISK: if you push too hard, excess “filler” will squirt from inside the plunger. Once placed on the ceiling, carefully unscrew the plunger shaft from the rubber end. RISK: if not properly sealed, the plunger could fall at any moment. Once the “pod” in place, take the shaft and leave! This prank come to fruition in one of two ways: 1) when the pod spontaneously detaches from the ceiling and explodes upon impact with the ground – bonus if someone is in the room; or 2) when someone notices the plunger cap on the ceiling and attempts to remove it.

* may result in criminal punishment.
**HINT: unscrew rubber end of plunger prior to filling.

I think this is a pretty comprehensive list, but I’m sure there are more out there. If you have any stories or pranks you’d like to share, please feel free.

#10 RJ::Moral Dilemma

2009-02-18T06:20:00.000-08:00

Around mid-day, I made my way down to the local restroom. I noted that I was a little behind schedule, and quickly deduced that it was due to the long weekend. I began pondering what my next post should be about. It had been a while, a week or two at least. I had been juggling a couple different ideas over the weekend, and finally came to my decision: my new briefs.

Yeah, I know my underwear doesn't necessarily fall into the category of this blog, but I had just bought some new ones and was thoroughly impressed with their performance. But was I impressed enough to give a gushing product review? Yes, yes I was.

Men, you've seen the commercial with Michael Jordan and Charlie Sheen (previously co-staring Cuba Gooding Jr.) for Hanes Boxer Briefs; with their Comfort Soft waist band, tag-less inside and "no-rise" technology that keeps the legs from riding up. I had just recently bought a pack, and was surprised by the quality of the new briefs.

Over the past year or so, I've been slowly converting from boxers to boxer briefs. The biggest complaint I had thus far was the "riding up" of the leg portion of the briefs. Hanes has forever solved this problem - and I felt my reader(s) should know about it.

So there I sat, thinking of clever ways to describe under ware and justify how they applied to this blog. Once I had finished my deed, and felt had sufficient material for a post I began wrapping up my stall session... only there wasn't any toilet paper!

I had been so preoccupied in my thoughts, I had failed to notice the most basic of toiletry needs was missing. I took stock of my situation: there was no chance for a reach around (grab TP from stall next door), so I needed to move over a stall or two. A quick check for feet, and a peek at the sinks showed I was alone in the bathroom. I needed to act fast, as at any moment someone could walk in and trap me in my stall. I jumped into the next available stall and completed by business.

It was then that I realized I was now in the crux of a moral dilemma: should I go back and flush the turd in the previous stall or not?

On the one hand, if I don't flush the visibly used stall will serve as a warning to others that they should try a different stall. Also, if left untouched until the custodial engineer comes, it will punish him/her for not refilling the dispenser with TP.

Or, if you look at another way, its just gross. No one should have to see that. Even worse, it might distract the janitor from noticing that the stall is out of TP.

Ultimately, I took into account an unforeseen variable - someone walked into the bathroom as I was exiting stall two - and therefore I chose not to flush. Was it the right decision? I don't know.

What would you have done in this situation?

#9 RJ::Words to live by...

2009-01-28T06:56:00.000-08:00

Back when I was in college (nearing ten years ago), a professor of mine gave some simple yet profound advice:

"Whenever you go on a job interview, make sure to check out the bathroom. A company that takes care of their bathrooms, will take care of there employees."

He also went on to clarify that you should be sure it's the employee bathroom and not the customer or executive bathroom.

So, even though I thought it was a little hokey at first, from that day on any job interview I went on I was sure to scope out a restroom or two. And to date, I am convinced of his simple wisdom as being true.

All that said, what does your work bathroom say about your employer, and do you agree?

#8 RJ::Leak

2008-12-17T05:57:00.000-08:00

Typical morning; but isn't that how all adventures start? Popped into the office just a few minutes behind schedule, and was relieved to see that a friendly colleague had already started a pot of coffee. Grab a cup, and start the work day. About two cups later, a familiar urge hits the lower intestine. Time to go.

Topping off my coffee cup on the way out the door, I wave to another (less then friendly) colleague just making her way in (at the time I didn't see the significance of this bad omen). I checked my watch, hoping that I still had a few minutes before James, the local custodial engineer, made the rounds. No dice. So I made the quick trek up to the bathroom directly above. Swung open the door and stared... water was pouring like a fountain from between the ceiling tiles. Regained my composure, and dialed the facilities manager to alert him of the massive leak.

I wish I could say this was the first time I had to call in a bathroom failure, but I've been on the dialing end twice before. Same situation. Luckily, I was not having a bathroom emergency of my own, and I safely made it to the third restroom on my contingency route.

RJ::Dog Doos and Don'ts

2008-12-05T04:57:00.000-08:00

I already see it at least three times a day, no need for a calendar...

This is definately a don't.

RJ::Trouble

2008-12-03T11:35:00.000-08:00

Trouble is A-Brewing

Today I stepped into unchartered territory. Afternoon coffee. Now I know this may surprise a lot of you readers, but I generally shy away from the java after lunch – usually by then I am completely awake and can face the last half of the day without a stimulant. As expected, this irregular decision made a direct impact on my Regular Joes status, or to put it another way – made me irregular.

While I sat there in the restroom for a rare 3PM deuce, I was reminded of one of my most harrowing adventures in a public restroom. This dates back about two years ago…

[Cue dream sequence.]

I was attending an association meeting at an off site location. I had been there several times before so I was familiar with the bathroom and its equipment. These meetings are generally all day; however I usually duck out after lunch as to avoid getting pulled into a working group or committee. On the morning in question I recall feeling a little more fatigued then usual – either due to lack of sleep or the dry meeting material. As one might guess with coffee provided, I hit the sauce like a hobo on a ham sandwich. I can vividly remember the tiny 10oz Styrofoam coffee cups, that felt more like shot glasses then coffee cups, and having to make trip after trip to refill the dinky cup. Seriously, I hate those cups; you have a three second window to drink your coffee - between scalding hot coffee and iced coffee. I digress. I had finally settled into my seat as the morning presentations began. It wasn’t long before I felt a little uneasy – Stage 1. Shortly after, the first gas tremors began to rumble in my gut – Stage 2.

Knowing time was short – already at stage two of five in the classic emergency diarrhea scenario – I began to shuffle my papers and ready myself for a quick exit. Experience will tell you that the first two stages are critical warning signs to heed, as the onset of the last three stages comes quickly and in rapid fire. If you have not already made some preparations, it may already be too late.

I checked my watch, glanced at the agenda – “maybe I can hold out until the break, this guy is almost done with his slides,” I thought to myself. Immediately upon completion of that thought Stage 3 – uncontrolled butt clenching – struck. Here’s where most people start making mistakes. It’s a little known fact that once you’ve entered the third stage, you instantly move into Stage 4 – the sweats. We’ve all been there, it’s like there’s a heat lamp directly over your head. This is it. This is when panic sets in for those without an exit strategy. This is when people get hurt.

I made my move. Quickly and quietly I stood and briskly walked to the exit. I was a man on a mission, no eye contact, no hellos, no nothing – I would have walked past my own mother and not acknowledged or even recognized her. I was midway to the restroom when I entered Stage 5 – crowning. Some people will refer to it as a “peeking gopher,” or a “turtle’s head poking out;” either way if you aren’t in or around a bathroom at this point, you run the risk of ruining a perfectly good pair of briefs.
Had the bathroom been closed for cleaning, Lord knows what might have happened. With everyone else still in the meeting I had a moment alone to peacefully unload my burden. I breathed a sigh of relief and reflected back on how my calm and quick decisions helped me avoid disaster. I could hear the sound of applause from the conference room, and knew that soon a flood of attendees would soon spoil my moment.

The bathroom door slowly opened and the loud talking masses entered the restroom, it was then and only then that I noticed I had made a serious error – there wasn’t any toilet paper in my stall! The crowd of full bladdered men was still pouring in…I looked around – damn, no ass-gaskets (seat covers). I considered loosely pulling up my pants and maneuvering down to another stall, but on further investigation of the splatter-fest I had just endured, I realized that would not be an option. I was trapped. I would have to wait them out. Sit quietly in my stall of shame until every last man had finished his business, before waddling to the next stall – pants around my ankles. I lowered my head in defeat. How could I have let this happen? In my rush to the bathroom I lost my composure, and forgot the most basic of public restroom ground rules – don’t take the toilet paper for granted.

As I sat there replaying the events that led up to my predicament in my head, something caught my eye. I slowly turned to the left and there it was… just under the stall wall fluttering ever so slightly in the breeze (no doubt created by the massive influx of people into the confined space), was the smallest of TP pieces. It was hanging down from the stall next door. Could it be? Was I really saved? How much was on the roll? Would the other people in the restroom see me pulling the toilet paper from under the stall? Did the paper have enough tensile strength to withstand the extra distance of force I would apply?

In the end all those questions didn’t matter – there was no one in the next stall, so I had no choice but to go for it. I gingerly grasped the end of the sheet, and cautiously pulled it toward me. Once I had gathered a handful, I tore the paper using both hands to be sure I could reach it again if I needed more… and I did. I went back to the well three times before all was said and done. Did anyone see? I didn’t know, and I didn’t care. I had survived, and that was all that mattered. I like to think that given the same situation, MacGyver would have done the same thing (You know, what would Richard Dean Anderson do? - WWRDAD?).

[Fade to present.]

So there it is my friends, a cautionary tale. Heed the warning signs, plan ahead and adapt to your surroundings. Let’s be safe out there.

RJ::Substitute Teachers

2008-11-20T17:21:00.000-08:00

While I'm away on vacation over the holidays, I've invited a couple friends to contribute to the site. Jason is up first - so while I dine on some turkey next week, please enjoy the stylings of Jason:

"Mom's exhausted and told me to keep you posted on dad's stool. After a bunch of false alarms, dad sat down and first just farted a lot, but then a little spatter came out. He waited, then thought he was done, but when he stood up he realized he had to go again. When he sat down, thick frothy streams of light brown diarrhea came out. Dad yelled at mom when she asked if he was peeing.

"Later on, during "The View," dad farted in bed a few times and then was surprised when the last fart brought a little something with it. Mom said it looked like motor oil leaking out of him. While she cleaned, he groaned in agony as his stool came out - with a consistency like chunky soup,beef stew or chili. Mom said it just kept coming out for like twenty minutes, then he just yelled her name. When She got in, he looked wrecked, his brow and hair soaked with sweat, and he needed her help to stand and wipe. Mom said it smelled like hot garbage and old broccoli. His farts smell like B.O. And tuna fish.

I'll keep you guys posted as she updates me!"

RJ::Equipment Issues 01

2008-11-14T07:22:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I nearly made a rookie mistake in the office restroom. Just after my second cup of coffee, I made my routine stroll into the closest WC (that's water closet for you non-brits). Due to some overflow/flooding issues, I had to forego my regular stall and move down to next cleanest stall. As I took my seat, and just prior to reaching the point of no return, I noticed that there was no toilet paper in the dispenser. Phew, disaster averted. I changed stalls yet again.

While I accept full responsibility for a momentary laps in judgment, I would like to point out that there has been a recent equipment change at my home field (so to speak). Industrial Cleaning has replaced the TP dispensers... and not for any reason you might think.

I know what you're thinking; big deal, right? Actually I'm quite thrilled with the new design. You'll notice that the new dispenser has gone away from the rounded top, making for a nice shelf on which to place a coffee cup. That's besides the point. It's the reason behind the change that really grinds my gears: smokers.

You read right, smokers. Turns out that some of the 3rd shift employees have taken to smoking in the boys room, as if they were still in grade school. Okay, so I can only assume it's the 3rd shift employees because I've only encountered any evidence of smoking very early in the morning, prior to cleaning. "But wouldn't cigarette smoke set of the smoke alarms?" I hear you asking. Normally yes, but these guys have an ingenious way around that: they break open the TP dispensers and blow the cigarette smoke into the side of the industrial size toilet paper roll, thereby acting as super filter and eliminating the smoke from the air. This of course is only my interpretation of the evidence:

- toilet paper dispensers are constantly broken (exposing the roll)

- cigarette ash on the ground inside stalls

- toilet paper smells like an ash tray

Yeah, I'm a real freaking detective... I've seen harder episodes of Blues Clues. I guess it's only a matter of time before these new dispensers are broken and smelling of smoke as well... for now, I'm going to enjoy fresh smelling toilet paper and a handy place to rest my cup.

RJ::Why

2008-11-06T12:13:00.000-08:00

It has come to my attention, that while Regular Joes services a purpose, nay, the community at large; just exactly how and why this site was started, has puzzled more then a few. The short answer is two fold: 1) that all guys (and even some gals) find all potty humor funny, and 2) as I've gotten older I've noticed a distinct correspondence between drinking coffee and having going "number two." An lesser, indirect factor has been the lack of a viable outlet for discussion on these issues.

The longer answer is threefold:

1) The Regulars – I saw this commercial on TV several years back, which only now resonates with me. I believe it was called “the regulars,” and it was for a bran cereal, Metamucil or something similar. Basic gist: Three guys walk into a three stall bathroom (greeting each other) every single morning at the exact same time. It seemed preposterous at the time, but now – I am one of those guys. Granted, I don’t have a bathroom clique, crew, or any thing like that, but I do have a similar experience everyday right after my second cup of coffee.

2) The Rant – Back when I first began working in the real world, a friend of mine (who was in shock from the transition into the workforce) sent the “Why we all drink” rant from Craig’s List… I didn’t stop laughing for days. Truth be told, there is only one paragraph that relates to RJ, but its literary masterpiece regardless. The success of this rant directly influenced my decision to go public with RJ.

3) The Final Straw – Background: I switched offices a few years back, and to my chagrin it is located next door to the training office. This is both good and bad. The good part about being in this office is that it is conveniently located next to one of the nicest restrooms in the building (and there are over 300). Something you may or may not find surprising, the quality of bathrooms throughout the office has a larger disparity then the wage gap. In that, of the over 300 restrooms located within the four building campus, there are only a handful in which you’d feel any level of comfort with only one seat cover between your ass and seat. There are some drawbacks to a nice restroom: there is a lot of foot traffic, noise, trash, annoying people asking for directions, etc. But the worst part is the sheer quantity of users grows exponentially in relation to bathroom’s quality – you’d be surprised how far people will go to… uh, go – this can detract from the restroom’s overall appeal. On the upside, being so close to training means that it gets cleaned regularly and thoroughly, being that training offers a lot of classes for customers as well as employees.

This is where my conflict begins: on my very first day in the office, I took a stroll to see what type of equipment I’d be working with at my designated water closet… RESTROOM CLOSED FOR CLEANING sign greeted me. Huh? Oh well. So I did some research and located a couple alternates in case I ever ran into this situation again (you always need a game plan just in case you have an emergency situation). Very next day, same sign!? Fast forward four years, and I’ve had this problem at least once a week! Right after my second cup of coffee, I walk around the corner and I have a 1-in-5 chance of being detoured. More often then not, when I do get in I’ll have either just beat the cleaning guy in (which gives you the strange mix of emotions - satisfaction/ embarrassment/ sympathy) or see him on his way out. The later being the idle situation; not only do you get a freshly cleaned bathroom, but usually he leaves behind a WET FLOOR sign in the doorway which can scare away less experienced Joes and leave you to do your business in peace.

It was striking number of times I’ve run into this cleaning situation that was the final straw in determining whether to start this blog or not. Surely I am not the only one who needs a place to vent about and every day issue such as this.

So there it is my friends: the hows and whys that brought RJ into being. Now that you know the story, let me lay down a few ground rules:

- Keep it clean – yes, at times this can be dirty subject matter, but lets be adults when it comes to our language.
- This is not a trophy case – this it about funny or annoying stories/situations that occur in or around restrooms, not place for you to display or describe your prizing winning turd.
- Have an open mind – not all of the posts will peek your interest. If you find one that’s not to your liking, just move on to the next one and try not to be offended.
- Lastly, take part.

RJ::101

2008-11-05T05:58:00.000-08:00

Welcome to the Regular Joes blog. With a title like regular joes, you're probably thinking this is a blog for normal, everyday guys... you'd be wrong. Okay, well maybe its a blog for people name Joe, Joseph or Josephine... wrong again. Believe it or not, this is a blog about two things: coffee and being regular (in the gastro intestinal way), and how the two themes can sometimes work as a team.

Why a blog about such taboo topics? Simply put, because most people are uncomfortable speaking to these issues in public (hence the use of "taboo"). Whether its at home, school, work or in public there are a lot of unspoken rules, a code of ethics if you will, that one must adhere to when using the restroom. The goal of this blog is to have a free and open discussion on the issues that you may not be able to talk about otherwise. As you may have guessed, this is not a serious blog. So keep that in mind as you read, comment and suggest blog topics.