Monday, October 18, 2010
Monday, July 19, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
#19 RJ::Product Review (2)
Here is a great online review of all things Toilet Paper* by Orson Scott Card. Everything from strength and stability, over/under debate, bunch/fold debate to foreign country's sewer systems. No need for me to recreate the wheel on this subject. Enjoy.
*It starts about half way down the page, after the 2005 review of the movie Wedding Crashers.
*It starts about half way down the page, after the 2005 review of the movie Wedding Crashers.
#18 RJ::The Great TP Debate
Probably about 15 years ago, I heard the strangest thing. While watching ESPN's Sportcenter, the sportscaster stated something to the affect of:
"According to a recent poll, 60% of Americans think that Team X/Player Y will win Event Z... which ironically enough is the same percentage of Americans that prefer to bunch rather than fold their toilet paper."
Once I stopped laughing at random juxtaposition of these unrelated statistics, I pondered the later figure. "Is there really an on going toilet paper debate?" I can trace back my fascination bathroom related oddities to this single event. This is what started it all...
Most people thing that the whole over vs. under toilet paper roll positioning is the most heated topic in the bathroom industry. And, while it is the only debate you'll see in the main stream media, it is by no means the most controversial.
Now, if you have ever posed this question to someone, say at a party, at work or sporting event; you know that the can of worms you have just opened can never be closed. So be warned - if you choose disclose your position, be prepared to defend it to the death; as not since the great white vs. wheat bread debates of the late 1980's has there ever been a more contentious argument over nonessential things. I have held off discussing this topic in this forum, for fear of the battle that would ensue. Luckily for us, our friends at Reddit have got us covered: Toilet Paper Debate.
No, it doesn't answer the question at hand, but it's pretty entertaining none the less. So it will have to do for now... that is until one of two things happen 1) Gallop releases a poll on this topic to reveal what the underlying trends (i.e. the role that politics, race, wealth, status, religion, area of the country, education, etc.) are, and how they play a role in whether or not you choose to bunch or fold your toilet paper; or 2) Doctors and/or Scientist make a break-through discovery proving once and for all the health benefits/risks of bunching/folding your toilet paper. Until then we may never know the truth about how best to wipe your ass.
"According to a recent poll, 60% of Americans think that Team X/Player Y will win Event Z... which ironically enough is the same percentage of Americans that prefer to bunch rather than fold their toilet paper."
Once I stopped laughing at random juxtaposition of these unrelated statistics, I pondered the later figure. "Is there really an on going toilet paper debate?" I can trace back my fascination bathroom related oddities to this single event. This is what started it all...
Most people thing that the whole over vs. under toilet paper roll positioning is the most heated topic in the bathroom industry. And, while it is the only debate you'll see in the main stream media, it is by no means the most controversial.
Now, if you have ever posed this question to someone, say at a party, at work or sporting event; you know that the can of worms you have just opened can never be closed. So be warned - if you choose disclose your position, be prepared to defend it to the death; as not since the great white vs. wheat bread debates of the late 1980's has there ever been a more contentious argument over nonessential things. I have held off discussing this topic in this forum, for fear of the battle that would ensue. Luckily for us, our friends at Reddit have got us covered: Toilet Paper Debate.
No, it doesn't answer the question at hand, but it's pretty entertaining none the less. So it will have to do for now... that is until one of two things happen 1) Gallop releases a poll on this topic to reveal what the underlying trends (i.e. the role that politics, race, wealth, status, religion, area of the country, education, etc.) are, and how they play a role in whether or not you choose to bunch or fold your toilet paper; or 2) Doctors and/or Scientist make a break-through discovery proving once and for all the health benefits/risks of bunching/folding your toilet paper. Until then we may never know the truth about how best to wipe your ass.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
#17 RJ::Bedtime Stories
Bedtime Stories
Have you ever felt like Goldilocks as you make your way into a public restroom? Just the other day I was struck by that thought as I past the first stall: too much pee everywhere; the second stall: too much poop; the third stall: occupied; and lastly the fourth stall: just right. [Editors note: I just noticed that in stall one, too much “number one” and in stall two, too much “number two.”] Anyways, as I made myself comfortable I noticed that there wasn’t much movement (bowel or otherwise) coming from the occupied stall next to me. I didn’t think much of it the time, as I had more pressing concerns. As I got started I also noticed that there was a lot of activity in the bathroom: urinals flushing, hands washing, paper towels dispensing, etc. But shortly there after all that noise ended, and it was just me and the gentleman to my right quietly taking care of business… or so I thought. As I finished up, and began the final stages of my visit, I heard something that made me give pause. I stopped everything, strained my ears and listened. It was faint at first, and then it gained momentum. “Is that…? No, it couldn’t be…” I thought to myself. Sure enough, dude seated next to me was snoring. In a public/office building restroom no less – straight up sawing logs.
Now I’ve seen/heard fools reading the news paper, talking on the phone, emailing on their blackberrys, playing games on their iPhones, but never in my life I have I seen or even heard of someone taking a nap, at work, on the toilet. Yeah, sure, passed out drunk last weekend in your apartment bathroom is one thing, but at work… during the middle of the day? Even George Costanza has the courteously of using the privacy of his own desk when catching a few Z’s in the office. Now, I’m not going to lie, there are parts of this organization that are notorious for people taking extra long breaks; disappearing for hours at a time – heck I’ve even seen some of the “nests” that some people have built in the seldom used areas of the building. I always figured those were set up by folks working nights without much to do. Turns out its more prevalent then previously expected.
I wasn’t quite sure what I should do. Should I make a lot of noise? Bang on the common stall wall? Tell him to wake his ass up? I’ll tell you what I wanted to do; stand up on the toilet and reach over and take a picture of Sleepy to later post on the bathroom door/this blog. Instead, I wrapped things up, flushed as loudly as I could (if that’s even possible) and slammed the stall door as I exited. That seemed to wake Sleeping Beauty, if only for a minute. I didn’t stick around to see if he got up and went back to work or if he just hit snooze.
Have you ever felt like Goldilocks as you make your way into a public restroom? Just the other day I was struck by that thought as I past the first stall: too much pee everywhere; the second stall: too much poop; the third stall: occupied; and lastly the fourth stall: just right. [Editors note: I just noticed that in stall one, too much “number one” and in stall two, too much “number two.”] Anyways, as I made myself comfortable I noticed that there wasn’t much movement (bowel or otherwise) coming from the occupied stall next to me. I didn’t think much of it the time, as I had more pressing concerns. As I got started I also noticed that there was a lot of activity in the bathroom: urinals flushing, hands washing, paper towels dispensing, etc. But shortly there after all that noise ended, and it was just me and the gentleman to my right quietly taking care of business… or so I thought. As I finished up, and began the final stages of my visit, I heard something that made me give pause. I stopped everything, strained my ears and listened. It was faint at first, and then it gained momentum. “Is that…? No, it couldn’t be…” I thought to myself. Sure enough, dude seated next to me was snoring. In a public/office building restroom no less – straight up sawing logs.
Now I’ve seen/heard fools reading the news paper, talking on the phone, emailing on their blackberrys, playing games on their iPhones, but never in my life I have I seen or even heard of someone taking a nap, at work, on the toilet. Yeah, sure, passed out drunk last weekend in your apartment bathroom is one thing, but at work… during the middle of the day? Even George Costanza has the courteously of using the privacy of his own desk when catching a few Z’s in the office. Now, I’m not going to lie, there are parts of this organization that are notorious for people taking extra long breaks; disappearing for hours at a time – heck I’ve even seen some of the “nests” that some people have built in the seldom used areas of the building. I always figured those were set up by folks working nights without much to do. Turns out its more prevalent then previously expected.
I wasn’t quite sure what I should do. Should I make a lot of noise? Bang on the common stall wall? Tell him to wake his ass up? I’ll tell you what I wanted to do; stand up on the toilet and reach over and take a picture of Sleepy to later post on the bathroom door/this blog. Instead, I wrapped things up, flushed as loudly as I could (if that’s even possible) and slammed the stall door as I exited. That seemed to wake Sleeping Beauty, if only for a minute. I didn’t stick around to see if he got up and went back to work or if he just hit snooze.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
#16 RJ::Moral Dilema (2)
Have you ever taken your laptop into the bathroom with you? If so, were you in the safety of your own home, or did you have the audacity to take it into a public restroom stall?
Sure, I've busted out the blackberry for a quick game of brick-breaker during some of my longer episodes, but I've never crossed that line with a laptop. There's just something about having a computer resting on my bare legs, pounding on the keyboard while also pounding out deuce, then juggling the CPU in one hand while trying to wipe with the other - because there is no way in hell that I'm going to put it on the restroom floor - that doesn't appeal to me. Maybe if there were a tray-table of sorts that you could put your laptop on while in the stall and stow when not in use, then things might be different. [Note to self: file patent application for an in-stall tray-table.] Sometimes, I'll be sitting there and come up with a great idea for a blog [or invention] and wish I could quickly post it online before I get distracted with work or other life events. Similar to sex, there must be a chemical reaction that takes place in your head after evacuating your bowels that deletes every thought that came into your head during the action. If it weren't for a conversation that came up in the office, I may not have ever remembered this recent gem:
Between meetings one day last week, I ran into the nearest bathroom for a quick dump. Due to my haste, I failed to notice that there was an extremely limited amount of toilet paper on the roll. I literally did not have a "square to spare." I had to use the resources I had with Native American like efficiency. I survived. I walked out of that bathroom with my head held high - knowing I had been tested, and that I had passed. Only about a half hour later, after my following meeting, all the coffee I drank that morning needed to be released. I entered the same restroom without even a notion of what had transpired there mere 30 minutes earlier... until I saw it. It happened in slow motion: another gentleman who had entered the restroom before me walked into the stall I had previously cleared of toilet paper. I caught just a glimpse of the roll as he shut the door and confirmed it had not been restocked. I hesitated. I knew I should say something, but didn't. I just stood there at the urinal listening to him unfold the toilet seat protector and get himself situated. Every sound came in so crisp and clear, like my sense hearing was heightened to that of superhero or blind man. I slowly washed my hands, all the while waiting, no, expecting to hear him cry out for assistance. I stood for a moment after drying my hands. Looked at the door. Looked back at the stall. It was too late. How could I possibly explain to this guy that I knew he was out of toilet paper? I put my head down and walked out the door knowing that I had failed a much larger test that day. I had failed my fellow man.
I thought of a million excuses in the days following: they should have a flag system that you mark stalls that need attention or supplies, like a mailbox. [Note to self: file patent application for stall-flags.] In the end, I knew I could have done more, I could have prevented that situation from happening. Actions I could have taken, words not spoken.
You be the judge. Am I being too hard on myself - is there an unwritten "buyer beware" rule when it comes to public restrooms? What's your take?
Sure, I've busted out the blackberry for a quick game of brick-breaker during some of my longer episodes, but I've never crossed that line with a laptop. There's just something about having a computer resting on my bare legs, pounding on the keyboard while also pounding out deuce, then juggling the CPU in one hand while trying to wipe with the other - because there is no way in hell that I'm going to put it on the restroom floor - that doesn't appeal to me. Maybe if there were a tray-table of sorts that you could put your laptop on while in the stall and stow when not in use, then things might be different. [Note to self: file patent application for an in-stall tray-table.] Sometimes, I'll be sitting there and come up with a great idea for a blog [or invention] and wish I could quickly post it online before I get distracted with work or other life events. Similar to sex, there must be a chemical reaction that takes place in your head after evacuating your bowels that deletes every thought that came into your head during the action. If it weren't for a conversation that came up in the office, I may not have ever remembered this recent gem:
Between meetings one day last week, I ran into the nearest bathroom for a quick dump. Due to my haste, I failed to notice that there was an extremely limited amount of toilet paper on the roll. I literally did not have a "square to spare." I had to use the resources I had with Native American like efficiency. I survived. I walked out of that bathroom with my head held high - knowing I had been tested, and that I had passed. Only about a half hour later, after my following meeting, all the coffee I drank that morning needed to be released. I entered the same restroom without even a notion of what had transpired there mere 30 minutes earlier... until I saw it. It happened in slow motion: another gentleman who had entered the restroom before me walked into the stall I had previously cleared of toilet paper. I caught just a glimpse of the roll as he shut the door and confirmed it had not been restocked. I hesitated. I knew I should say something, but didn't. I just stood there at the urinal listening to him unfold the toilet seat protector and get himself situated. Every sound came in so crisp and clear, like my sense hearing was heightened to that of superhero or blind man. I slowly washed my hands, all the while waiting, no, expecting to hear him cry out for assistance. I stood for a moment after drying my hands. Looked at the door. Looked back at the stall. It was too late. How could I possibly explain to this guy that I knew he was out of toilet paper? I put my head down and walked out the door knowing that I had failed a much larger test that day. I had failed my fellow man.
I thought of a million excuses in the days following: they should have a flag system that you mark stalls that need attention or supplies, like a mailbox. [Note to self: file patent application for stall-flags.] In the end, I knew I could have done more, I could have prevented that situation from happening. Actions I could have taken, words not spoken.
You be the judge. Am I being too hard on myself - is there an unwritten "buyer beware" rule when it comes to public restrooms? What's your take?
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
#15 RJ:: PSA - Double Down Deuce
Regular Joe's Public Service Announcement:
Warning (this is NOT a challenge) attempting to eat two of KFC's new Double Down "sandwiches" in one sitting will lead to an immovable brick which you will be unable to sh*t.
Results may vary.
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