#11 RJ::April Fools Day Guide

Okay pranksters. You’ve been asking for a Regular Joe’s guide to April Fools Day, so here it is. For those of you who may be timid, we’ll start of slow and get more elaborate (read dangerous) as we go.


The Elaine (of Seinfeld fame)
Here’s one for those of you who don’t want to get their hands dirty: take all the paper products from the restroom. That means TP, paper towels, seat covers, news paper – everything. And don’t be lazy and hide them in the garbage can or supply closet, put them in you co-workers office!

The Sponge Bob
This is the quick and dirty prank of the bunch, and as you might expect, possibly the simplest and easiest to pull off as well – at least for men. First and only step: pee on the roll of toilet paper until drenched. If you are a kind hearted prankster, you’ll pull off some of the TP to use as a sort of drip-pan under the roll.

The Upper Decker
This one is a classic. The genius is in the simplicity and the relative ease at which it can be accomplished. In a residential or tank-style toilet, remove the cover to the back tank. Do your business in said tank, and replace cover. Be careful, as this prank can backfire without the proper precautions: make sure your pooh does not hit the inner workings (exposed plumbing) of the tank. Try and get the log(s) to land in the water portion of the tank. Hitting the plumbing may result in the odor to be too prevalent and lead to early detection by your victim – and of course if they catch you; you will in turn be the victim – and have to clean up your own prank.

The Mud Slide
Lesser know, but equally as effective. In this situation, you’ll need a commercial style toilet (more elongated then the residential version) and a low waterline. This can be tricky, and for some may require practice. Step one: void your bladder in another toilet/urinal; you will need a clean DRY surface on the target toilet. Step two: scoot as far forward as possible on the toilet seat. The risk here, is that if you haven’t already peed, you will likely end up peeing on your chinos. Step three: dump – if done properly, the log will stick to the dry surface of the toilet and remain exposed to the air (creating a horrific smell). Often the turd may slide a little, leaving behind the thickest skid marks you’ll ever see (hence the name). Step four: clean up and flush TP in another toilet. Step five: get out of there – no doubt it smells, but more importantly no one should witness your presence. The real brilliance in this prank is that if left even for just a few minutes, it becomes impossible to remove the turd by flushing the toilet and requires someone to physically remove the pile by hand.

The Occupado
This one is extremely elaborate, but altogether safe. This prank is best for commercial, public or work environments. Depending on the number of stalls in your restroom, gather a pair of shoes, pants, and mannequin legs (or stuffing) for each stall. The night before or early that morning set up each stall to make it appear there is someone sitting inside – at least to someone looking under the stall and sees a pair for feet. Lock the stall doors and slide out from under the door. Tip: coordinate with your janitorial staff to ensure this prank will continue throughout the day – they shouldn’t have a problem taking a day off of cleaning the restroom.

The Chocolate Lantern (also know as The Lunar Lander)
This is by far the most difficult and risky* of all the pranks… and the meanest! You’ll need a plunger (the simple cheap kind, not the fancy inside-out ones) and a lot of patience. Note: this will NOT work on a drop ceiling, you need drywall. Carefully fill the plunger cavity with excrement** – preferably in a semi liquid state, use water or pee if you’ve got a collier on you hands. Now, with a moist paper towel, wet the edges of the plunger for a good seal. Stand on the toilet/sink/chair and affix the plunger to the ceiling. RISK: if you push too hard, excess “filler” will squirt from inside the plunger. Once placed on the ceiling, carefully unscrew the plunger shaft from the rubber end. RISK: if not properly sealed, the plunger could fall at any moment. Once the “pod” in place, take the shaft and leave! This prank come to fruition in one of two ways: 1) when the pod spontaneously detaches from the ceiling and explodes upon impact with the ground – bonus if someone is in the room; or 2) when someone notices the plunger cap on the ceiling and attempts to remove it.

* may result in criminal punishment.
**HINT: unscrew rubber end of plunger prior to filling.

I think this is a pretty comprehensive list, but I’m sure there are more out there. If you have any stories or pranks you’d like to share, please feel free.