#17 RJ::Bedtime Stories

Bedtime Stories

Have you ever felt like Goldilocks as you make your way into a public restroom? Just the other day I was struck by that thought as I past the first stall: too much pee everywhere; the second stall: too much poop; the third stall: occupied; and lastly the fourth stall: just right. [Editors note: I just noticed that in stall one, too much “number one” and in stall two, too much “number two.”] Anyways, as I made myself comfortable I noticed that there wasn’t much movement (bowel or otherwise) coming from the occupied stall next to me. I didn’t think much of it the time, as I had more pressing concerns. As I got started I also noticed that there was a lot of activity in the bathroom: urinals flushing, hands washing, paper towels dispensing, etc. But shortly there after all that noise ended, and it was just me and the gentleman to my right quietly taking care of business… or so I thought. As I finished up, and began the final stages of my visit, I heard something that made me give pause. I stopped everything, strained my ears and listened. It was faint at first, and then it gained momentum. “Is that…? No, it couldn’t be…” I thought to myself. Sure enough, dude seated next to me was snoring. In a public/office building restroom no less – straight up sawing logs.

Now I’ve seen/heard fools reading the news paper, talking on the phone, emailing on their blackberrys, playing games on their iPhones, but never in my life I have I seen or even heard of someone taking a nap, at work, on the toilet. Yeah, sure, passed out drunk last weekend in your apartment bathroom is one thing, but at work… during the middle of the day? Even George Costanza has the courteously of using the privacy of his own desk when catching a few Z’s in the office. Now, I’m not going to lie, there are parts of this organization that are notorious for people taking extra long breaks; disappearing for hours at a time – heck I’ve even seen some of the “nests” that some people have built in the seldom used areas of the building. I always figured those were set up by folks working nights without much to do. Turns out its more prevalent then previously expected.

I wasn’t quite sure what I should do. Should I make a lot of noise? Bang on the common stall wall? Tell him to wake his ass up? I’ll tell you what I wanted to do; stand up on the toilet and reach over and take a picture of Sleepy to later post on the bathroom door/this blog. Instead, I wrapped things up, flushed as loudly as I could (if that’s even possible) and slammed the stall door as I exited. That seemed to wake Sleeping Beauty, if only for a minute. I didn’t stick around to see if he got up and went back to work or if he just hit snooze.